Wondering, Wandering, and Writing

Grief is weird.  SO weird.

(Our twelve-year-old just said, “No, it isn’t.  I had some of that when my dad didn’t come home.”
I asked, “When he died?”
“No, after a fire sometimes mom wouldn’t go and he went there [the station] instead of coming home.”  I think that proves my point.  Grief is weird.)

For all we’ve been through, I think that with counseling, friends, family, and prayer, I’ve processed things …. Okayily.  (Yeah, I made up that word.)

And then yesterday happened.

I have a friend who is going through a tough situation.  It’s tough.  She’s sharing and friends are praying and helping out.  But yesterday afternoon I just started crying over it.  Couldn’t help it.  Tears streamed down my face.  My heart literally ached.  Why?  Why them?  Why this?  Why me? Why am I reacting like this?  Empathy is one thing but seriously?!?!?!!

And then thoughts from my past inched their way to the top of my thoughts.  The similarities of trying so hard to do the right thing, having no clue what to do next, searching for answers, crying out in prayer, reaching out for help, sifting through advice, knowing that God will carry us through but having NO idea or vision of how it will happen.

Life can be hard.  The pains of the past, even those we think we’ve dealt with and left behind, can sneak up and twist the knife again.

I’m okay this morning.  I’m writing in case anyone else finds themselves hanging on by a thread – crying out for divine help for self or others.  God is able.  God is willing.  The path may not be what we hoped.  It probably won’t be what we planned.  But, God is good and he walks with us.

Be kind to each other. – Ephesians 4:32

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