Wondering, Wandering, and Writing

Inadequate.

Sad.

Tired.

Just exactly how you want to feel before being at the front of the church (that is, on stage) during worship service, right?

A little more background:   Some Sundays we sing three or four songs.  Some days we sing eight or so.  Some days I play the piano for one of them and we have recorded music for the others. On rare occasions, I play for all the songs.  You get the idea — it varies every week.  I am not a great pianist.  That’s okay.  To me, it’s a lot more about worship than technical skills.  So, I usually play something simple.  I can practice a lot and play a moderately difficult piece and people clap when I’m done. Or, I play a familiar hymn and add in a few notes as I go along with a pause here and there and we like it just as well. The point is to help create an atmosphere where people can prepare their hearts to hear from God’s Word.

All that brings us to today.

By the time I arrived at church I felt a little better.  God uses cracked pots, right?  Early music practice went well.  Sunday school was a little heavy – there’s a lot going on in our extended church family.  Our choir runs through the special for today. Then, it’s on to worship service.

The first song went well – recorded music.  Then I played the next two songs, and messed up them both!  Choir special went okay.  Then I played the next three songs.  And noisy mistakes in every single one.  I don’t know when I have ever made mistakes in that many songs in one service.  It was bad.  The one positive thing is that I kept going; kept trying.  Sometimes I’m the only one who hears the mistakes.  Today, they were noticeable.  Praise the Lord, we had the highest attendance we have had in months!  I suppose if I’m going to mess up like this, might as well do it big time.  I’m back to feeling not so great.

 I try to sneak to my seat.  There’s one more song.  A solo with a recorded track.  Randy sang “Through the Fire” – first time I heard it.  I don’t know who asked for it to be sung, but God sent it to me.

“He never promised that the cross would not get heavy
And the hill would not be hard to climb
He never offered our victories without fighting
But He said help would always come in time” – Through the Fire by Crabb Family
Perhaps making mistakes in music is not a cross, but to keep trying when the successes seem small and far apart certainly feels like climbing a hill.  I needed the musical reminder that Jesus did not promise us a ride on a cruise ship, but a war (That was the sermon topic.), and that he would be with us.

Stay strong.

Or, maybe instead of staying strong, be weak.  Lean on the strength of Jesus.

#bgwww2025