Wondering, Wandering, and Writing

Oh dear God!  How can a few people cause such a stinkin mess? I really just don’t get it.  They’ve hurt so many people – some of my friends, family members, people at church, people at work, neighbors.  It’s like a bomb of pain explodes sending shrapnel into everyone in their path.  You gotta do something, God.  We can’t keep living like this.  Maybe they shouldn’t keep living! At least then they couldn’t keep on spreading hate and discontent and pain. Eh, I suppose that’s not a nice prayer.  But God, please do something with them!  Send them across the ocean or something!

Well, God, the sermon was about heaping burning coals of the heads of our enemies.  I think that’s an excellent idea!  Do you think I can do that these days and not go to jail?  I’d sure like to try!  What?  I didn’t hear the first part of that?  Be kind to them?!  You have got to be kidding!!  And burning coals were a good thing?  Surely you jest.  No? It was to keep them warm?  Well, I’ll be.  I thought it was always a comfortable seventy degrees in that part of the world. Oh God, you CANNOT mean for me to do anything nice and helpful for these people I’ve been praying about.  I have tried that.  And every time, every single solitary time, they either throw it back in my face or waste it or twist the story around when they tell it so it sounds like I’m the bad guy.

Yes, God, it’s me again.  If you’re so all-knowing and all-powerful, just exactly why aren’t those people locked up under the jail with the keys thrown away? That’s not my problem?  What do you mean that’s not my problem?  Of course it’s my problem!!  It’s MY family they hurt!!  To the core!!  They don’t deserve to be using up good air.  Decent people need to be breathing that air.

Oh Lord, I am so achy.  My back hurts, my heart hurts, my bones ache, my muscles are sore, and my emotions are worn out. Will you please, please heal me?  You know I’ve been to church when I can and even sent my tithes when I couldn’t go.  I’ve at least read the verse of the day every day.  Well, most days.  I have prayed for those people until I can’t pray any more.  They’re still out and about creating chaos.  And here I am, too sick to get out of bed.  It’s not fair, God.  It is NOT fair.

Ok, God. I listened to the sermon online today because I am too weak to go anywhere.  Is that stuff really true?  I mean, I learned early that you came to bring everybody into a good relationship with you, but a lot of folks simply want nothing to do with you, so just let ‘em go, let ‘em go. And I’ve heard that story of the lost sheep at least ninety-nine times – really sweet, but it doesn’t make good business sense to me, to leave most of your flock at risk to go get one stubborn little lamb.  The part of the sermon that was absolutely ridiculous is when the preacher said that you will have mercy on whom you will have mercy. That sounds like it makes no difference at all how good anybody is.  Do you really forgive and welcome THOSE people who have created such chaos and spread such pain?  I may have to look that up myself.  I know that preacher read that wrong.

Oh, Lord. Oh, God.  That preacher did not make all that up.  I’ve got to think about this.  I’m not so sure I want much to do with a god that accepts people who spread that much meanness.

MY attitude?  MY mean words?  MY inconsiderate actions? Well, I never!  Mmmm, maybe once or twice.  That’s why my friends aren’t checking on me anymore?  Have I become so sour and bitter no one wants to listen to me?  A little prideful, too?  I don’t think so.  Y’all need a reality check.

Well, God, there’s been no electricity for a couple days.  Good thing it’s not freezing nor too hot.  Sure is quiet around here.  You’ve been trying to tell me something?  Maybe I can hear you now?   Ok …. I’ll find that Bible and open it up.  Might as well.  Can’t watch TV or check anything on the internet.  All the batteries around here are at 2% or less.

Oh, dear Lord.  I may not have created all the chaos those folks do, but I am still lacking when it comes to living for you. It’s been another two days without electricity.  I sure am glad I can eat poptarts and beanie weenies and have a good supply of bottled water.  You gave up so much.  I am sometimes inconsiderate and impatient and … well ….. there’s just a lot of attitudes I have that don’t line up with your spirit.  I am so sorry.  And all those things about being gracious to others …. It’s right there in black and white.   Maybe those folks will hear you, too.  I hope so.  Either way, I leave them in your hands and I’ll stop telling you how to fix it.  And, I do believe that as I realize how forgiving and gracious you have been to me, it will be easier to be gracious to others.

#bgwww21