Wondering, Wandering, and Writing

I’ve been angry.

A LOT!

There.  I said it.

I’ve confessed my anger.

“Angry about what?” you may wonder.

It’s very simple.  I’m angry because I can’t do as many things as I used to do. I need more rest. I bet most folks over 40 or 50 can empathize with me.  Meanwhile, my friends who are 80 or so are chuckling to themselves and thinking, “Honey, you ain’t seen nothing yet.  Just wait. I hope you live long enough to see how good you have it right now.” Some folks my age who have serious health issues are thinking about the same thing. 

I am trying to learn to be content.  I’m better at it than I used to be.  My brain knows (mostly) what I need to do to take care of myself.  But, my silly want-tos sometimes don’t listen.  Fortunately, the take-care-of-yourself part of my brain is winning more of the time than it did twenty or so years ago.  Yes, I have been stretched too thin (energy-wise, not my body; it’s never been too thin) for most of my life.

Recently, my evening devotional ended with Ecclesiastes 3, the chapter about there being a time for everything: to be born, to die, to love, to hate, for peace, for war, to build up, to tear down, and a lot of others.  The VERY next morning the verse of the day that popped up was Ecclesiastes 3:1.  Well, well.  I wondered what opportunity was about to pop up in front of me that I really needed to evaluate before I opened my mouth.  That very week, two opportunities were literally in my face.  Things that I have done – or something very similar.  Things that I CAN do.  But SHOULD I? 

The prayerful, thoughtful answer was a quick “No” to both.  Could I enjoy those ministry opportunities?  Most likely.  Do I have the skills needed?  I think so.  Would my other responsibilities suffer?  Yes, they would, because every day has only 24 hours and I cannot work twelve or fourteen of them.  Maybe if I hadn’t in my thirties and forties I could now, but that’s water under the bridge and we’ll never know.

Maybe, just maybe, I am learning to be content.

I still wanted a garden this summer!  Oh well … maybe next year.

#bgwww22