Wondering, Wandering, and Writing

Escaping Grief?

My daddy died unexpectedly in 2015. There was a bit of a legal ordeal afterwards. That adds to the grief.

About three years later our 29-year-old son died in 2018.

I had been wanting for a couple years or so to attend a music conference again. I LOVED going to Choral Fest “back in the day.” I decided to go ahead and attend the Lifeway Worship Conference in Gatlinburg, TN in June, 2019. I knew no one else who was going and that would be fine. I would be away and for a few days could pretend that mess was a bad dream and just revel in the music and worship. I would go to bed early if I wanted and sleep late if I needed to. I would just not think about the grief but instead be rejuvenated. It was an excellent plan.

Much of it went as planned. I was able to sleep when I wanted and needed to. I enjoyed the presentations of new music. I had my toes stepped on a few times during the messages. I cried during worship, but that’s normal for me.

What I didn’t plan on …. was … the first afternoon I saw someone I knew. A friend from another state who knew of our son’s struggles while living and that he had died. It was comforting to have someone who knew but didn’t expect me to talk. Then during the lunch break of the first full day, I joined three ladies I did not know. They were dear friends to each other and welcomed me into their circle. We introduced ourselves, talked, laughed, and shared a bit of our stories. I kinda “crashed their party” and joined them for other meals and sat with them during some listening sessions. And what did I do one evening at supper? I told them about our son’s death. They were very supportive. The last afternoon I was looking at some devotional books. When the author asked if I needed some help choosing one, what did I do? I blurted out that our son would have turned 30 that day and boo-hooed and boo-hooed. I sorta got myself together and chose one. Bless her, the next morning she was packing up her table as I walked by and she told me that she and her husband had prayed for me that morning.

We canNOT outrun God’s mercy and comforts. Even when all we want to do is run and hide and forget it, the grief is still there.  And God will send someone to walk beside you.

So …. In your grief you will wonder what to do and what not to do.  You will want to keep traditions.  Other days you will want everything to be different so you don’t miss your loved one so much. My unasked-for two cents worth is to plan your usual family gatherings When the day arrives if you do not feel like celebrating, don’t. Cry. Eat good food. Hug each other. Cry some more. Maybe the tears will, that day, turn into laughter as someone remembers funny things your loved one did.  And someone else will remember something sweet. And you will find yourself creating new, precious memories in spite of the grief.

#bgwww21